


better luck next time

by florikal



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Hospitals, Overdose, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:35:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29122752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/florikal/pseuds/florikal
Summary: my little spin on what could've happened after reki's loss against adam if he were just a bit damper, a bit sadder.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 61





	better luck next time

**Author's Note:**

> lack of capitalization and grammar mistakes are intentional

it hurts. so so so so so bad. 

not so much the arm, or the concussion, or the bruises. the loss.

langa?

he wasn’t there. he was out there. with  _ him _ . the one who hurt reki. reki didn’t have the courage to watch them duel. 

how could he? just  _ leave _ reki? leave? him? langa left him?

langa didn’t care about reki. he cared about skating. 

reki’s mind spun. spun spun spun spun spun spun sp

the nurse came in.  _ do you need anything _ ?

i don’t know. do i? i can’t think 

_ reki? do you need anything? _

i need langa oh god oh god i need  _ langa- _

_ i don’t need anything. thank you. _ reki smiled tightly, blinking back tears.

_ okay. let me know if you do. _

she left.

he was alone again.

he suddenly felt the need for her to come back. a complete stranger. he couldn’t even remember her name. he just didn’t want to be alone. alone with his thoughts and these dreary windows and ugly white tiled floors and wilting tulips from his mom and the icky smelling pain relieving pill bottles on the nightstand next to him and

the pill bottles. 

he thought it over. he rarely thought of suicide. there was no guarantee you could skate in hell. you probably couldn’t. skating was all that kept him motivated. 

but he didn’t really want to anymore. the thought of a skateboard nauseated him. the stupidly slick black board with the gorgeously painted hearts and  _ LOVE _ in big red letters and oh god oh god he wanted to  _ die _ . the memory kept resurfacing. how close adam was to his face. how he fell backwards and felt the sickening crack of his bones. how his blood splattered onto adam’s cheek. 

no one would care if he died. his mother? struggling financially anyways. she didn’t need an extra mouth to feed. his friends from school? well, were they really friends? he couldn’t remember the last time he felt anything remotely positive towards them. miya? he probably didn’t care for reki. he’s up there with professionals. reki’s just some half-assed rookie. and langa - ? oh,  _ god _ , langa. he cared for langa so much. never once felt an inkling of envy as to how fast he learned. he was so  _ happy _ to be able to help him learn. 

but langa had learned enough. he had miya now. and adam. he didn’t need reki. reki’d helped him up and taught him the basics, but langa could manage by himself now … 

reki cringed. he was a coward. and he knew it. suicide’s for cowards. 

the tears he’d been holding back spilled out. 

he wanted to die. well, he didn’t really want to die, he just wanted to stop thinking. isn’t that kinda like being brain dead? well, being brain dead is hardly considered living, anyways. and it’s not like you can put yourself into a coma.

you  _ can _ , however, end your life through and through.

a small part of reki wished he could see langa’s face when he heard he was dead. a larger part didn’t. he didn’t want to see how langa would utterly shrug it off and go celebrate his victory with  _ miya _ or  _ adam _ or

reki wiped his eyes.

he didn’t want to go out crying.

with his shaky, usable arm he carefully grabbed one of the pill bottles. there were four bottles in total. 

he read somewhere that males were more susceptible to overdose. he wasn’t sure if that was true or not, but either way, this was more than enough.

but he was in a hospital. wouldn’t the nurses come in right away the moment he started flatlining?

ah, well, none of that mattered. if he did it fast, they couldn’t do jack about it. what would they do, bring a dead kid back to life?

due to his lack of two functional arms, he used his teeth to twist open the bottle after he pushed down on the lid with his usable arm.

he was so sure of his decision. he knew there was no turning back.

he thought it over for a few moments, though. why  _ was _ he killing himself? was it because he lost? because he was injured? because langa betrayed him?

well. it didn’t matter. his emotions were a jumble of pain and self-hatred. he felt absolutely worthless. 

he remembered the words he’d thought when he lost against shadow quite some time ago.

_ better luck next time _ .

there was no next time.

he downed twenty three painkillers dry.

sorry 

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in a frenzy of sadness so this is a bit of a vent since i lowkey kin reki uhhhaha
> 
> this hurt to write


End file.
